Asian girls with pigtails!!!

Now I am on my third day of Taiwanese life and I am enjoying it. I certainly am in no way figuring things out but I am starting to get used to the idea that I am stuck here for the next 12 months. In that respect it is nice to have so much time. I do things when I want and if I don't want to do them I chill out and I don't worry about it. I will have all the time to do things later.

As I walk along the streets I have to constantly jostle with my shirt so that all the sweat doesn't stain it and make me look like a fat, hot, sweaty, disgusting, westerner. I mean it really is like walking around inside of a living furnace here. Of course no one else sweats except the long haired blond doofus walking around wide eyed with no direction at all. All lot of times I try to escape the heat by walking into stores where I can feel the air conditioning blasting out of the door. I always try to pick the biggest looking stores because then I am less likely to be bothered by someone trying to sell me something in his/her alien language. I also like the big stores because this is where I can see some of the best looking Taiwanese girls. I have to say that at this stage, I understand about 8% of my lifestyle. 4% percent would be the hipster clothing stores because they are everywhere, 4% would be the pretty girls from the not so pretty ones, and the other 90% is a bunch of stuff that I really cannot for the life of me figure out. A lot of times I will look in a store and seriously have no idea what they are selling. I see people waiting in lines excited for something but when I look in I just see a bunch of crazy looking Chinese symbols and a person at a desk. It is all just way over my head.

While I have met some people at my hostel (blah, who cares) and some very nice people at my work, I have only had one real social moment so far here in Taipei. The second night I arrived I said to myself "dammit man, get off your ass and do something!" (then i realized what an idiot I was for talking to myself.) I decided that I would go out and hunt for this "bar" that Dunkle recommended to me called Roxy 99. I know it already sounds like a gay bar. So I put on the same clothes I have been wearing for about 6 weeks and will probably have to wear for the next 6 months and went out. Before I left I asked the guy at the hostel where this Roxy 99 bar was and he showed me the "correct" metro stop to take. The metro system is pretty easy so I got to Ping Pong Ding Dong metro (whatever it is called) with zero problems. Now, growing up in Colorado was great but the bad part is that if I can't see a gigantic mountain range to the west I have no idea where the hell I am. So as always I don't take time to figure that out and I simply start walking towards the brightest lights, loudest noises, or in this case: the prettiest girls. Now I still don't know where I was exactly but their were pretty girls all over the place. I felt like I had died and gone to Asian heaven and had just slipped through the radar. I walked around aimlessly trying to not get caught staring until I came to the end of interesting stuff. This was the point at which I pulled out my map.

I didn't really know where I was so had I had the chance I probably would have just blankly stared at the map and then continued to walk around. But as soon as I had the map open I heard, "hi, can I help you?" To my surprise standing next to me was a pretty little Taiwanese girl. She had a hipster baseball cap, pretty girlish black clothes and was on a mountain bike. I really was in Asian Heaven. I told her that I was looking for this Roxy 99 "bar" that Dunkle seems to love so much and she said "you are looking for a club? Well that club is on the other side of the city and you wouldn't like it anyway." Any girl as forward as that has my heart forever. So instead she recommended that I go with her to a bar that she new of and that I might enjoy it more. So after a nice conversation, some twists and turns and down a dark alley we arrived at a quaint little bar. I tried to get her to stay and have a drink but she was apparently headed somewhere else but to my surprise she said "talk to the bartender, she is more your style." So Joy (her western name) introduced me to Daphne (the bartender's western name) and said that I was a lost American who was looking for a cool place to hang out. It was all very pleasant and I was surprised to be getting such positive attention.

I sat down and ordered a beer and immediately my bartender, Daphne, started asking me questions and flirting with me. I seriously have never had this fast a reaction in the States and for sure never in France so I was having fun. We talked about this and that and I really thought that I was in like flint. However, after about an hour of progressive, slightly choppy English dialogue Daphne's "boyfriend" showed up. Now this guy was a pretty boy with his collar flipped up and the cargo pants and all. I was more than a little disappointed that this douche bag had arrived. As soon as he was there he was grinding all over Daphne and trying to smooch her and I really just wanted to say "the lady has spoken for sir and it is no longer for the likes of yourself." But instead I sat stupidly watching Taiwanese baseball drinking Budweiser and eating popcorn like a dipshit loser. The whole time Daphne kept looking at me when "tough guy Joe" wasn't around and I was a little bummed. I kept checking this dude out to see what he had that I didn't but I couldn't put my finger on it.

That was when it hit me. This guy is a pretty boy for sure, I mean he even shaves his legs, and he has a weird mid section..... wait are those boobs?........hold on..........that ain't no dude! It's a girl! This pushy, asshole "bro" was actually some super, weight lifting, boob eliminating, butch chick. Then I started to actually pay attention to everyone else in the bar. "Well what do you know," I thought, "there are a lot of girls with other girls here in this bar." Here I thought that everyone was looking at me as a white guy when they were actually wondering what this man was doing in "Queens" lesbian bar. Oops! So now I have been drinking beers at the bar "hitting on" the bartender while everyone else is just trying to get there lezbo drank on in peace. Boy did I feel like a jackass.

So I paid my tab and got in an extra sour mood when I found out that not only was this a butch bar but also an expensive as shit one. I would like to think that I have had more successful nights out before. Either way though, except for madam "Hugo" rugby wannabe dudegirl, everyone that night had been very nice and courteous to me and that made me feel pretty good and not like such a stranger. I mean, second night and I already know of one bar I never need to go to again. That means there are all the other places to explore and enjoy while I am here. And there are plenty of other hot, straight, (or slightly straight) pigtail wearing Asian girls for me to meet and attempt to woo in a broken English "you be pretty" sort of way. Hooray for Asian girls and watch out cause dog will hunt!!!

VIP Lounge in Osaka

Yeah that is right, I did not plan on it whatsoever but it seems that I find myself in Osaka, Japan right now drinking as many Saporo beers as I would like while I wait for a flight to Bangkok. As far as shitty layovers are concerned, this is not at all one of them. So far my day has been going great even though I was supposed to be in Bangkok right now. How about I start at the beginning?

First off for those of you who have actually read my first blog, I apologize for not writing more often but I want to change that now. I figure since I have four hours till my flight and a free bar at my finger tips, i should relax and tell you how things are going. (By the way, bars are not like ice cream. I mean you want to sample everything and with ice cream it is ok but drinks might get you in trouble. I honestly don't know what these people were thinking in putting a guy like me in a swank ass place like this.) 

So the day started out really well. I made all my trains with no problem and I said my goodbyes to Paris the city and all my friends I had met in Paris. It really was a great experience and I will never forget it. I made it all the way to Helsinki with everything going well. Then the trouble started.... they didn't have a seat for me on the Bangkok flight. For a second I really freaked out because our plans for Bangkok pretty much consisted of "go to the airport and we will see each other." While several folks were complaining about this and that a lady said, "well you could go to Osaka and then we could figure it out," to which I politely responded, "fuck it, I'll go to Osaka." So a quick email to let the guys know what had happened in the hopes that they might find internet and I was off. I mean literally I went one gate over, got on and we pulled out. I really didn't even have time to think about it and when you don't have time to think you don't have time to freak out. 

It was a rather leisurely flight to a completely incorrect destination, however, I was entertained by piece of shit movie after piece of shit movie and glass of free wine after glass of free wine.  I can honestly say that I really was never worried. I knew that my friends were intelligent and had most likely found each other and I was really only going to be about 12 hours late. Not bad.

So the flight lands and the mix of the half drunk feeling from the South African wine and the deliriousness of several 15 minute naps dispersed over a period of i think 9 or 10 hours makes me feel a little jolly.......or crazy.  Suddenly as we land I hear, "Wirr passenger Andrew Putt prease speak to a fright attendant before descending da prane?" Wow I had officially made it to Japan and someone already wanted a piece of me. So to my surprise I walk out of the prane as they carr it and was met by a lovely Japanese girl holding a sign with my name on it. I felt like a star! She indicated to me that everything was in order and since I had had such a rough ordeal the airline had invited me to rest at the VIP airport lounge. Now perhaps you have been to the Detroit lounge or the Phoenix armadillo club where you are promised a fresca and a can of beans, but the Japanese have got it all right. (yes I will have another beer.) I mean we are talking beer, bar, wine, saki (which I hate but will soon drink), pastries and even a toilet that talks to you and heats up your butt. 

So after being brought around and everyone helping me (one girl even held my coke while I looked for my passport) I am enjoying myself in probably the nicest place I will ever visit. Not only that but I have communicated with the boys and all is set in Bangkok. Oh and not only that but since my plans got so screwed up, Finnair decided to write me a fat 'ole check for $1000 bucks for my problems. Wow! Little did they know that that money just saved my life as I was planning on moving to Taipei with about $80 on my person. 

I have a feeling that life is going to be alright and that this vacation is going to kick way too much ass. I hope that hearing about this day was as entertaining for you as it has been for me. So far I have been up for about 24 hours, drunk twice, been in three countries, two continents, and will most likely be awake for another 18 or so hours. But dat's how I rock. Stay tuned cause I will keep the blog a flowin'.

The Eyes of the Children shall Change

Ahhhh! Paris est une très belle ville, mais pas comme Maule!

If you can believe it, this person has been responsible for eight classes of little French children for the past nine months. No really I'm serious. A lot of people like to say that you grow up a lot while in college and this picture exemplifies how I chose to "grow up" and "mature" during my university experience. However, after this past French experience I really can say that some changes have gone on.

My desire to start this blog was for many reasons. Well, in fact just three. First, I felt that since my cousin had done something similar for her friends at home I might entertain my friends as well. However, her "blog" told the tale of her adventure through different parts of France as a French teacher seeking the meaning of la vie des jeunes enfants français. It was also geared towards her little 3rd grade French students which means most of the comments I made throughout the trip would be edited out. The second reason for deciding to write a blog was because my mom told me I should do it so all her nurse mates could read what I was doing on my travels and pray that their children never did the same. The third reason is for all my friends who I still love even though they think I will never be coming back to America.

So to open things up I have spent nine months living in Maule, France living through some of the most weird, emotionally exhausting, boring, lame, cool, life affirming, stupid, embarrassing, and fun experiences in my whole life. And you pretty much won't hear about many of those times on this "blog" creation. Sorry, but if I spent my time recording all the past moments it would make it pretty hard to live any new ones. But rest assured as long as the desire for girls, money, and booze prevail in my heart, there will be great stories for you, the viewer (all one of you).

Oh yeah I guess I should give you a reason to want to read the next "blog" that I make in a day or a week. Well in about two weeks I will be flying from Paris, France to Helsinki, Finland and then to Bangkok, Thailand. The trip to Thailand will be a month long backpacking excursion with three of my best doofus friends. I believe that we will certainly encounter some fantastic stories and pictures on our exploration of Thai beaches and islands and bars. After that month I will then fly to Taipei, Taiwan to become once again an English teacher and therefore seem even cooler to American girls when I return. Whenever that may be. So stay tuned and I assure you I will not dissapoint. And if I do......screw you! Go do something else!