Asian girls with pigtails!!!

Now I am on my third day of Taiwanese life and I am enjoying it. I certainly am in no way figuring things out but I am starting to get used to the idea that I am stuck here for the next 12 months. In that respect it is nice to have so much time. I do things when I want and if I don't want to do them I chill out and I don't worry about it. I will have all the time to do things later.

As I walk along the streets I have to constantly jostle with my shirt so that all the sweat doesn't stain it and make me look like a fat, hot, sweaty, disgusting, westerner. I mean it really is like walking around inside of a living furnace here. Of course no one else sweats except the long haired blond doofus walking around wide eyed with no direction at all. All lot of times I try to escape the heat by walking into stores where I can feel the air conditioning blasting out of the door. I always try to pick the biggest looking stores because then I am less likely to be bothered by someone trying to sell me something in his/her alien language. I also like the big stores because this is where I can see some of the best looking Taiwanese girls. I have to say that at this stage, I understand about 8% of my lifestyle. 4% percent would be the hipster clothing stores because they are everywhere, 4% would be the pretty girls from the not so pretty ones, and the other 90% is a bunch of stuff that I really cannot for the life of me figure out. A lot of times I will look in a store and seriously have no idea what they are selling. I see people waiting in lines excited for something but when I look in I just see a bunch of crazy looking Chinese symbols and a person at a desk. It is all just way over my head.

While I have met some people at my hostel (blah, who cares) and some very nice people at my work, I have only had one real social moment so far here in Taipei. The second night I arrived I said to myself "dammit man, get off your ass and do something!" (then i realized what an idiot I was for talking to myself.) I decided that I would go out and hunt for this "bar" that Dunkle recommended to me called Roxy 99. I know it already sounds like a gay bar. So I put on the same clothes I have been wearing for about 6 weeks and will probably have to wear for the next 6 months and went out. Before I left I asked the guy at the hostel where this Roxy 99 bar was and he showed me the "correct" metro stop to take. The metro system is pretty easy so I got to Ping Pong Ding Dong metro (whatever it is called) with zero problems. Now, growing up in Colorado was great but the bad part is that if I can't see a gigantic mountain range to the west I have no idea where the hell I am. So as always I don't take time to figure that out and I simply start walking towards the brightest lights, loudest noises, or in this case: the prettiest girls. Now I still don't know where I was exactly but their were pretty girls all over the place. I felt like I had died and gone to Asian heaven and had just slipped through the radar. I walked around aimlessly trying to not get caught staring until I came to the end of interesting stuff. This was the point at which I pulled out my map.

I didn't really know where I was so had I had the chance I probably would have just blankly stared at the map and then continued to walk around. But as soon as I had the map open I heard, "hi, can I help you?" To my surprise standing next to me was a pretty little Taiwanese girl. She had a hipster baseball cap, pretty girlish black clothes and was on a mountain bike. I really was in Asian Heaven. I told her that I was looking for this Roxy 99 "bar" that Dunkle seems to love so much and she said "you are looking for a club? Well that club is on the other side of the city and you wouldn't like it anyway." Any girl as forward as that has my heart forever. So instead she recommended that I go with her to a bar that she new of and that I might enjoy it more. So after a nice conversation, some twists and turns and down a dark alley we arrived at a quaint little bar. I tried to get her to stay and have a drink but she was apparently headed somewhere else but to my surprise she said "talk to the bartender, she is more your style." So Joy (her western name) introduced me to Daphne (the bartender's western name) and said that I was a lost American who was looking for a cool place to hang out. It was all very pleasant and I was surprised to be getting such positive attention.

I sat down and ordered a beer and immediately my bartender, Daphne, started asking me questions and flirting with me. I seriously have never had this fast a reaction in the States and for sure never in France so I was having fun. We talked about this and that and I really thought that I was in like flint. However, after about an hour of progressive, slightly choppy English dialogue Daphne's "boyfriend" showed up. Now this guy was a pretty boy with his collar flipped up and the cargo pants and all. I was more than a little disappointed that this douche bag had arrived. As soon as he was there he was grinding all over Daphne and trying to smooch her and I really just wanted to say "the lady has spoken for sir and it is no longer for the likes of yourself." But instead I sat stupidly watching Taiwanese baseball drinking Budweiser and eating popcorn like a dipshit loser. The whole time Daphne kept looking at me when "tough guy Joe" wasn't around and I was a little bummed. I kept checking this dude out to see what he had that I didn't but I couldn't put my finger on it.

That was when it hit me. This guy is a pretty boy for sure, I mean he even shaves his legs, and he has a weird mid section..... wait are those boobs?........hold on..........that ain't no dude! It's a girl! This pushy, asshole "bro" was actually some super, weight lifting, boob eliminating, butch chick. Then I started to actually pay attention to everyone else in the bar. "Well what do you know," I thought, "there are a lot of girls with other girls here in this bar." Here I thought that everyone was looking at me as a white guy when they were actually wondering what this man was doing in "Queens" lesbian bar. Oops! So now I have been drinking beers at the bar "hitting on" the bartender while everyone else is just trying to get there lezbo drank on in peace. Boy did I feel like a jackass.

So I paid my tab and got in an extra sour mood when I found out that not only was this a butch bar but also an expensive as shit one. I would like to think that I have had more successful nights out before. Either way though, except for madam "Hugo" rugby wannabe dudegirl, everyone that night had been very nice and courteous to me and that made me feel pretty good and not like such a stranger. I mean, second night and I already know of one bar I never need to go to again. That means there are all the other places to explore and enjoy while I am here. And there are plenty of other hot, straight, (or slightly straight) pigtail wearing Asian girls for me to meet and attempt to woo in a broken English "you be pretty" sort of way. Hooray for Asian girls and watch out cause dog will hunt!!!